her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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