i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
