Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
