I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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