You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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