She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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