So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
