btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
