highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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