i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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