Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
