Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
