Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
