is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
