Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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