Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize