omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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