I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
