So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
