Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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