i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
