saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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