I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
