Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
