3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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