Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
