Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His hands were made for my vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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