I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
