He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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