haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
