Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
