my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
