"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
