yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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