My Higher Power is John Stamos
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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