Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
