WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
