I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
