Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
