She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
