I think I died a long time ago.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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