dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
