he thought i was a dude.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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