Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
