I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
