Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
