hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
