his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
