He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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