At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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