so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
