So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
