I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
