drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
