this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've blown a few things in my day
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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