Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
