Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
