I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
