Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
