I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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