Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she told me i tasted like america
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
