why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ladies don't puke and tell
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
