Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
