playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
