Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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