dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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