it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
