Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
