You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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