Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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