ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
