The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
