literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
