if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
